Part 9: God’s Design For Marriage
After exploring the profound themes of creation, the fall, and regeneration, we now turn our attention to another foundational doctrine established in Genesis: God’s design for marriage. This divine institution, far from being a mere human convention, is rooted in God’s creative purpose and is essential for the flourishing of humanity.
Our foundational text for today is:
Genesis 2:18 (NASB 2020): “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.””
Background: Modern vs. Biblical Reasons for Marriage
In contemporary society, reasons for marriage often center on:
- Personal fulfillment: “It makes me happy.”
- Personal needs: “I need someone to complete me.”
- Necessity or convenience: “It’s time,” or “It’s practical.”
While these motivations may contain elements of truth, they often fall short of the profound and purposeful reasons for marriage laid out in Scripture. The biblical reason for marriage is primarily to fulfill God’s purpose in one’s life.
“It is not good for the man to be alone…”
The statement “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) is crucial. It’s important to distinguish between “alone” and “lonely.”
- Alone: Simply being by oneself, without another person.
- Lonely: A feeling of longing for companionship or connection.
Marriage is not primarily a cure for loneliness. A person struggling with loneliness should first find their fullness and satisfaction in God (Psalm 23:1: “The Lord is my shepherd, I will not be in need”). There are many ways to address loneliness without undertaking the immense responsibility of family and marriage.
Why, then, was it “not good for man to be alone”?
The man could not fulfill God’s mandate alone. God had already given a clear directive to humanity:
Genesis 1:28 (NASB 2020): “God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.””
Adam’s mandate included:
- Fill the earth: Propagate humankind across the globe.
- Subdue the earth: Make it subservient and subordinate to human stewardship.
- Rule the earth: Exercise dominion and authority over all living things.
These mandates required partnership. Therefore, marriage is intended to help man fulfill his God-given purpose, not merely to alleviate personal loneliness.
This implies a profound truth: your life’s purpose, discovered in God, should guide your consideration of marriage. Your purpose will determine whether you need a spouse to accomplish what God has called you to do. First and foremost, find your fulfillment and your life’s purpose in God.
“I will make him a helper suitable for him”
Genesis 2:18 (NASB 2020): “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.””
Let’s unpack the terms:
- Helper (Heb. ezer): This word denotes a person who contributes to the fulfillment of a need or the furtherance of a purpose. It’s a strong word, often used of God Himself as a helper to Israel. It does not imply inferiority but complementary strength.
- Suitable (Heb. neged): This means “likeness,” “similarity in appearance, character, or nature.” It’s often translated as comparable, fit, right, complement, or corresponding.
Therefore, a spouse should be:
- One who contributes to the fulfillment of your purpose (mandate from God). They should not be a burden, pull you down, or draw you away from God.
- One with whom you share many similarities. Your nature and character should find resonance and reflection in your chosen spouse.
- One who will fit into your life’s mission. This highlights that shared values, spiritual alignment, and common purpose are paramount.
God Made a Woman and Brought Her to the Man
Genesis 2:19–22 (NASB 2020): “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.”
Notice several crucial details:
- The suitable helper was in the man all along. This suggests that the “helper” was not something Adam lacked in himself, but a distinct expression of his own essence, designed to complement him.
- The suitable helper was specifically a female—a woman! This foundational narrative clearly establishes that marriage, by divine design, is exclusively between one man and one woman. Any deviation from this is a perversion of God’s original intention.
- The woman was the perfect expression of what the man needed to fulfill his mandate. As Paul teaches, “For a man should not have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake” (1 Corinthians 11:7-9). This isn’t about superiority but about complementary roles in glorifying God and fulfilling His purpose.
- This implies that common ground is essential. A prayerful man will naturally be attracted to a prayerful woman. A man passionate about sharing God’s Word will desire the company of a woman who shares that same passion.
- The suitable helper was “fashioned” by God. This emphasizes that a potential spouse should be someone whose life has been touched and shaped by the power of God. Don’t seek relationships outside of God’s presence; instead, look for a partner already living within it. Don’t aim to “drag” someone into God’s presence; many are already there!
- The suitable helper was “presented” to the man by his Father—God. This highlights the divine orchestration of marriage. In biblical accounts, parents were often actively involved in arranging or consenting to marriages (e.g., Abraham for Isaac, Hamor for Shechem, Laban for his daughters, Naomi for Ruth, Manoah for Samson). Paul also alludes to parental consent in 1 Corinthians 7:36-37.
- Parents should actively participate in their children’s choosing of a life partner. This means offering advice, respectfully sharing wisdom, and even helping identify suitable prospects, while still respecting the ultimate decision of their adult children.
- Young men and women should actively seek the advice and wisdom of their parents regarding potential partners, sharing their prospects openly. While this doesn’t advocate for arranged marriages or pairing of children from a young age, it stresses the importance of parental guidance when children begin to experience attraction to the opposite sex.
Man Shall Leave His Father and Mother and Be Joined to His Wife
Genesis 2:23–25 (NASB 2020): “Then the man said, “At last this is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman,’ Because she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.”
- “Bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh”: This indicates a profound recognition of shared essence and deep connection. The woman was the manifestation of everything Adam instinctively desired and needed for completion in his mandate.
- “One flesh”: This refers primarily to the physical union in sexual intimacy (1 Corinthians 6:16). The implication is clear: sexual union belongs exclusively within the confines of marriage, which precedes it.
- Marriage is for a lifetime: God’s design is for permanence.Malachi 2:15–16 (NKJV): “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence…”Jesus reiterated this foundational truth when questioned about divorce:Matthew 19:4–6 (NASB 2020): “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.” While Moses permitted divorce due to human hardness of heart, Jesus declared, “from the beginning it has not been this way” (Matthew 19:8-9).
Conclusion
In teaching the biblical design for marriage, we acknowledge the complexities of modern life. Many individuals come from dysfunctional backgrounds or carry personal baggage. Our goal is not to ignore these realities but to lay down biblical guidelines for the next generation, so they will not have to repeat the failures or suffer the same problems as previous generations.
- Our past experiences do not invalidate God’s timeless design. Instead, they should drive us to pursue the biblical pattern more diligently.
- We want to equip the next generation with wisdom (Proverbs 24:13-14) so they can have a good head start in life, knowing that “prevention is better than cure.”
- We desire for them to be more focused on God’s plans for their lives, rather than being driven by personal needs or societal pressures.
- We want the best for our children, and ultimately, God’s way is always the best way. God’s design is always the best design.
